A week ago, I woke up with a purpose. A calling. A flame so bright inside me that I cried. I want to inspire others on their spiritual journeys and help them to create meaning in their lives through music. I want to change the world through song. I want to be a UU Music Director.
With the amount of emotion welling up inside me last Tuesday morning, I knew I had to tell someone. So, as I waited for my return flight home from the UU Musicians Network conference in San Diego, I found myself writing a message to my UU Music Director, Wendel. I shared my story, my sense of calling, how I was pretty sure I was going to cry on the airplane. I also wrote to my husband, expressing my sense of relief at finally figuring out what I was meant to do in this world. During my travels on Tuesday, I also sent a message to Amanda, my close friend and UU seminarian. Then, I waited for responses.
As emotional as I was that day, I'm still me and still somehow doubted that what I was feeling was... real, genuine. I mean, I didn't hear some greater voice of God telling me to do this. I just woke up with an undeniable feeling that I was meant to be a Music Director. But I had heard along the way that when you find your life's purpose, it makes you cry. And for unemotional, analytical me... Wow, did I feel like I wanted to cry all day. Still, I sent three messages as a way to really test the waters. I half expected the responses to be something like, "That's sweet, but keep your day job."
The responses from these three people were so different, but so EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Wendel generously offered to help me figure out how to get from Point A to Point B. My husband was excited that I felt so strongly about my purpose and offered to support me through this process. And Amanda, with four words of reassurance ("I seriously love this") and an hour of going back and forth on Messenger, helped analytical me give in completely to spiritual me.
I've told quite a few people since last Tuesday about my calling. But these three people were the three people chosen by the Universe to make sure I knew that what I was feeling was truth. So, here I am a week later, with emotions that still catch me off guard and a network of friends and family that have validated my calling and offered their support. It's all quite overwhelming.
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