These people are staring at me!

On Wednesday evening, I made my first attempt at directing the choir.  We started with a few warm ups and learned a new song.

Before I get too far, let me talk about my first song for the choir.  It's a beautiful hymn written by Lucy Holstedt called, "The Great Community."  To a skilled music director, it's 16 measures and probably pretty easy to learn and direct.  But to me, man... It's a whole 16 measures, repeated three times.  Count them - 48 measures that I have to conduct, rehearse, listen, watch, check for understanding, decide how to interpret it, get my arms and hands and ears and eyes and soul all working together at the same time.  So - oh my God - so complicated.

Now that I've set the stage, let me continue.

I walked into rehearsal feeling both nervous and prepared.  My legs were shaking as I started the first warm up.  I mean, seriously, all those people are staring at me!  And expecting me to say something insightful!  As we got further into that first warm up, I took a moment to breathe (helpful, since it was a breathing-focused activity).  By the time we finished our warm ups and moved on to the music, I felt more comfortable.  Don't get me wrong - there was still a ton of, "Oh my God, what do I do now?" going on in my head, but it was a dull roar.

All in all, I felt good about the rehearsal. And good doesn't mean perfect (Thank you, David and Wendel.). I figured a few things out as I went (like, "Hey, counting folks in - 2,3,4 - is WAY important if you want them to start at the right time and in the right tempo.").  I wrote down a few things that I needed to learn (like, "How the heck do I show everyone where to breathe?"). Mostly, though, I just tried to revel in the moment and do the best I could with the skills I currently have available.

The whole experience was equal parts wonderful and nerve-wracking.  As I told Nancy Starr, part of me wanted to jump up and down like a kid in a candy store and part of me wanted to throw up.   Which is good.  Those nerves let me know that I'm alive -- and that I care enough about the outcome to worry about it.

I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who gave me encouragement this week leading up to the rehearsal... And the choir, who was so attentive and made my job easier... And those who reached out to me after rehearsal to give me your feedback.  It's all new to me, and I revel in every comment.  Thanks for your support, your suggestions, your encouragement, and your energy.

It is truly amazing to be wrapped in this community as I learn and grow.