Lesson 1: Emotional Intelligence

And so I started my journey by scheduling regular meetings with my mentor, Wendel.  During our first meeting, I came with questions.  A bunch of them.  Our conversation quickly turned into my first lesson: As a church staff member, regardless of the role, it's important to be able to "read" people.  We started the discussion in the context of a music rehearsal - how can you tell who is engaged, who has questions but is too shy to ask, generalities around different personalities that might be present in a rehearsal.  We talked about body language and assumptions that might not accurately reflect what's going on.

But then a guest came into our lesson.  Our Minister of Faith Formation, Tandy, came in to say hi and stayed to join in our chat.  She provided a bunch of great examples of emotional intelligence outside of the context of a music rehearsal.  The three of us opened up the conversation to discuss what it's like to work with volunteers, how to open our eyes and listen louder than our ears to understand the needs of those in our community.  

I have to admit, this is a recurring theme of the past few conversations I've had with folks about leading music.  That it's as much about working with people as it is about creating music.  I made a joke at some point that maybe what I need isn't a music degree, but a psychology degree.  A friend noted that she should have two signs hanging from her studio door: "music lessons" and "therapy".

My guess is that since music touches us so close to the heart, we can't help but to bring our emotions into our rehearsals and performances.  That's what makes good music.  But it also means knowing what to do when those emotions come up.  And as a Music Director, with a volunteer group, it will be my role to support and encourage, which means looking deeper to recognize who may have a question, who may be struggling, who may be just having a bad day.  

Here's where I think I'm pretty lucky.  I've spent the bulk of my current career developing and delivering corporate training.  While it's not exactly teaching or directing music, it *IS* about people.  About knowing when there's a question in the room that everyone is too nervous to ask.  About recognizing the physical and emotional aspects that participants bring into a classroom with them.  About learning to handle tough situations with difficult participants.  About structuring content in a way to build on what people already know and give them confidence in their ability to learn more and do more.  

So, this week felt mostly like a win - a step in the right direction, a confirmation that I already have some of the skills I need to be successful.  Now if we all just lived in the Matrix and I could instantly download music theory, composition, arranging, and directing...