A Good Story

So, in my day job of corporate training, we often design or retell stories to help participants understand the context and necessity for new training.  It creates emotional buy-in, builds a connection between their job and the training material, and keeps folks engaged.  In crafting and conveying a good story, there are certain elements that just *must* be there.  Most importantly, some sort of conflict or obstacle to overcome.  I've heard it said that no problem = no story.

Maybe my story to this point hasn't been a story at all.  Girl awakes with calling, girl pursues calling. Girl goes to school for calling, girls passes her classes with flying colors.  So maybe it should come as no surprise that this story needed some sort of problem.

Girls goes after dream job, doesn't get it.

What comes next is a few days of girl wallowing in self-pity about not being able to live out her calling, frustration about not hearing the call earlier in life, worry about ever being able to pursue this calling, doubt about whether the calling is real.  It's called a "crisis" in story terms.

Here's the thing - out of crisis comes growth.  And possibility.  And amazing friends and mentors who remind our girl that this is not the end.  There is work to do.  And an endless number of ways to develop and still live out this calling.

And so, I've been able to reflect on the positive parts of this experience.  I now have a resume, a development plan, and a vision for my music ministry.  I'm registered for more music classes this Fall.  I'm headed out to General Assembly in a few weeks to make music with UUs from across the country.  I'm working with mentors to identify development opportunities close to home.

The next step for me is to find a church willing to give me a chance in a professional music role.  This might be a Music Director in a smaller congregation or an Assistant Music Director in a larger one.  The important part is gaining professional experience, applying what I'm learning in school, and living out this calling to the best of my ability.  If you know of an opportunity, please pass it along.  I'm ready to put myself out there.  In story terms, I'm at the "turning point" and ready to move forward along a different path than I originally envisioned.

The rest, my friends, is still unwritten.  This story is far from over.

April Reflections

How quickly time passes when your time is shared between a day job, schoolwork, music performances, professional development, family, friends, and a church retreat!  How can it be the end of April already?

This is the last week of class for the semester.  In Music Appreciation, we're starting to discuss composers who actually lived in the same century I was born.  I'm not very fond of music with unresolved dissonance or music that is completely atonal, so it's been challenging to do the listening assignments.  For my last concert report, I went to a Knoxville Jazz Orchestra concert featuring Clairdee singing Billie Holiday and Carmen McRae tunes.  That was a really fun evening of music -- there will be more KJO concerts in my future.  In my Piano class, I think I've finally gotten a better handle on pushing the pedal at the right time.  We've also been through fingering on most of the major scales.  Of course, when I play them, in my head I still go, "1-2-3, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3, 1-2-3-4-5."  I'll be happy when my fingers go where they're supposed to without my counting in my head.  And I'll be ecstatic when I can play scales with both of my hands together on the right fingers.  One step at a time.

It was a busy month for musical performances, too!  ORUUC had our annual Concert of Darkness on Good Friday.  Ashton brought in singers from UT to join our choir in the choral pieces, which really rounded out our sound.  I was excited that I knew a few of the singers -- I'm more connected than I realize sometimes!  I sang a solo for Easter (Bach's "My Heart Ever Faithful"), which was my first solo piece in service in a little while.  The Knoxville Chamber Chorale performed an amazing concert in Morristown, which my musical colleague Bryon, as well as my Dad and his girlfriend were able to attend.  It's been a wonderful ensemble to sing with this season and I'm looking forward to the collaborations with the Knoxville Opera and Knoxville Symphony that we have lined up for the Fall.  Knoxville Choral Society closed out our season with the Brahms "German Requiem," a work that really challenged me with its complex melodic lines and fugues.  

In the wider UU world, I'm excited to start nailing down details on my involvement in General Assembly in June.  I'm helping Amanda in her role as Young Adult Coordinator by serving as the music coordinator.  We're planning two worship services and a workshop - all with lots of music.  We met this week to discuss themes and high level plans, with more to come next week once my classes end.  What a cool summer project!

Finally, I should mention that the permanent Music Director job at my church has been posted and applications are due May 8.  This is both thrilling and scary for me.  I won't say too much about it, out of respect for the process, but I will tell you all that I plan to apply.  I would kick myself if I didn't go after this opportunity to follow my calling at my home congregation.  And I know, no matter what the outcome, that ORUUCs music program is my home while I continue to develop as a musician.  I'm excited to see the outcome of the process!

Reflections of March

Wow, there's a lot to cover from this month!  I'm not sure where to start, so let me start with school.

Music Appreciation: My ears are learning to listen.  I can hear the difference between an oratorio, a mass, and an opera.  And the difference between a solo concerto, a sonata, a string quartet, and a symphony.  Wow!  We've moved through the Classical Era and into the Romantic Period.  There are 13 composers to learn in this unit.  If I can keep them all straight...

Piano: You may have already heard my little rant on this one.  I've made myself proud by playing separate rhythms with my left and right hand.  It was a momentous occasion, quickly followed by the frustration of adding the damper pedal.  I finally got my fingers coordinated and now I have to get my feet involved?!?!?  It hurts my brain.  Ouch.

I'm still visiting churches to learn about other music programs.  I spent this past Sunday at First United Methodist here in Oak Ridge.  They have a vibrant, active music program that includes youth and children's choirs, an adult choir, handbell choirs, and a contemporary band.  Andrew Duncan, their Music Director, took time to walk me through the logistics of running such a large program - everything from managing a music library database to taking attendance at rehearsals to providing online rehearsal tracks for choir members.  The church has two traditional services and a contemporary service, all organized through an online worship planning tool.  I really appreciated the technological approach to organizing the music program.  I also got a chance to spend a little time with Jeff Kile, who directs the contemporary band, for insight into staffing the band and the tech deck.  I've got tons of notes and ideas for the future.

I've also had some personal growth this month.  Bill Brewer, who set me on my current music education path, passed away from cancer.  Bill had taken time from his busy schedule to consult with me when I didn't know where to start.  He was a calming presence when my life was in upheaval.  When I stopped by his office at the beginning of the semester to thank him for his advice, he invited me into his office, sat me down, and seemed genuinely interested in how I was doing in the program.  At his memorial, many people made mention of Bill's ability to make you feel like you had his undivided attention.  I truly felt that way about my experiences with him.  He lived authentically and strived to make beautiful music as long as he had breath.  He'll be a life-long role model for me.

I would be remiss if I didn't also mention another role model for me -- my Mom turned 70 this month!  I organized a party for her in Delaware.  As a special gift, I asked all of the attendees to give me a list of things they love about my Mom.  What inspiring responses I received!  The ones that stood out to me were her willingness to help her friends, her deep love of animals, and her resilience in the face of life's troubles.

Spring is here and my journey continues... I'm excited for all the things I'll learn in April!

What I'm Learning - March 2015

It's Spring Break -- and thankfully the weather is finally convincing me as such.  Given we're about half way through my semester, I thought now would be a good time to write down things I'm learning, both in and out of the classroom.

In Music Appreciation, we've wrapped up the Baroque Era and taken on the Classical Era.  I have to admit, I'm thankful to get back to homophony - the polyphony and embellishments of Baroque music make it difficult to hum along with the melody.  And, as a singer, I want to be able to hum the tune!  (Did you hear that little analysis there?)  I went to a concert on Saturday night that featured Grammy-winning classical guitarist Jason Vieaux with our local symphony (Oak Ridge Symphony).  I have a number of friends involved in performing with or supporting the symphony -- and O used it as one of my required concerts to write up for class.  As luck would have it, about half of the program was Baroque music -- and one piece was actually highlighted in my textbook.  I kinda feel like I could talk intelligibly (at a high level) about Bach's Brandenburg Concerto, which is a little unsettling.  It was also my first experience hearing a classical guitar perform with an orchestra.  I liked it quite a bit!

Ah, Class Piano.  Five-finger patterns have turned into arpeggios and major/minor chords.  We've even done a little harmonization with guidance from our textbook.  We just started dealing with minor key signatures, which I think are probably the most challenging thing I've seen so far this semester.  I may spend spring break memorizing the relative minor for each major key, just to reduce my anxiety.  

Outside of school, I've been connecting with music folks.  This is by far the most fun and most informational part of my development.  I've participated in several services now at the First Presbyterian Church here in Oak Ridge and have plans to visit First United Methodist later this month.  I'm learning about music program structure, following liturgy, working with choirs of all sizes and purposes, partnering with clergy, and just generally how services from different faith traditions work.  My family never went to church much when I was a kid, so just experiencing different formats is enlightening!

I've also been connecting with musicians in the UU world.  I had a great chat with Jan Gartner, a professional development guru with the Unitarian Universalist Association, about professional development and not being afraid to create my own plan.  She also pointed me toward some great resources on transitioning from a congregation member to a staff member, which will be so helpful in preparing me for my interview process at ORUUC later this spring.  Jan also suggested that I reach out to Jason Shelton, Minister of Music in Nashville, to hear his story.  I'm looking forward to connecting with him later this month.

Perhaps what I'm most proud of nowadays is being tapped to help the GA Young Adult Coordinator, Amanda Weatherspoon, with all things music for the young adult elements at this summer's General Assembly in June. It's a really exciting opportunity -- and I could never say no to an opportunity to make music with UUs from across the country.  (Or no to Amanda, really.)

All this to say, I kept myself busy in recent weeks when the snow and ice kept me away from my usual activities.  Now the weather is warming up and I'm ready to tackle the next season!  

Thank you all, again, for your support and love.  I feel it every day.

Reflections - February 2015

Wow, what a busy month it has been!  There is a lot to reflect on - hopefully I can remember it all.

School - so far, so good.  It's translating 5-finger patterns into major chords for me in Class Piano.  Moving on to the Baroque Period (1600-1750) after studying the Middle Ages and the Renaissance in Music Appreciation.  I love that we're getting into music that I've performed before (Handel's Messiah is in this unit).  Unfortunately, school was cancelled all of last week due to snow and ice, so I'm guessing we'll be moving through content pretty quickly to catch up.  I probably should have been reading ahead on my snow days...

Church Music - I made a commitment to myself in January that I would spend time outside of my congregation in the coming months to learn more about other church music programs and worship formats.  I got the pleasure of starting the adventure this morning at First Presbyterian Church here in Oak Ridge.  So much music in their service - hymns, responses, prelude, postlude, plus an anthem - with a choir that sings every week.  I was honored to be invited to sing the anthem and serve as cantor for one of the Psalms.  I even got to wear a choir robe.  I thought it was wonderful that Rev. Sharon leads the choir in a blessing before service.  Their choir is truly seen as a vessel of God's word.  That's powerful.  I'm looking forward to another visit at First Pres in March.

Concerts in February - As in, this will never happen again.  :)  Poor Peter Mayer traveled all the way to Oak Ridge from Minnesota for a concert last night.  All the weather forecasts said the temperature would rise into the mid 40s by Noon, clearing away the wintry mix we'd been fighting all week.  But, painfully, it never got above 34 yesterday.  Everything stayed frozen or a dangerous slushy mix.  The church parking lot was an ice rink.  So, we decided to cancel the concert.  Which, of course, is an administrative nightmare.  There are MANY thank you's in order for all the folks that worked so hard to get the concert ready and several more who helped host Pete this morning while I ran off to sing at First Pres.  I was totally depressed to miss his musical offerings to our service, but I did get a chance to touch base with him briefly afterwards.  I got to share with him a little bit about this journey that I'm on.  He was impressed that I was going back to school and really making a go of this dream.  It was fulfilling to get that kind of support from a musician I admire so much!

Support - I have found all kinds of support in so many places.  Friends who watch my kids so I can pursue my dreams.  A spouse who watches the kids more than his fair share and has started doing laundry - I can't believe how spoiled I feel when clean clothes just magically appear!  Music colleagues who share resources, give me advice, and invite me to sing.  People who make a special effort to tell me how they liked my song or how I led a hymn.  A day job where I feel valued and supported in pursuing my passions.  And just when I need a break, friends who invite me to craft class and church events that reconnect me to my support network.  Each of you reading this blog make a difference in my life.  Thank you.

Special Thank You - Today was especially long for me.  I was at First Pres by 9 to rehearse, followed by service at 10, then a church event (Everybody's Birthday!) at ORUUC, then a kick off meeting for OWL (sexuality education course for my 11-year old), then a rehearsal and performance of Psalms, then grocery shopping for the week.  My husband is out of town, so my 9-year old daughter had to tag along with me ALL day.  As in, go to service at a church she has never attended (but thankfully had a friend there who she spent the night with), leave quickly afterward to go to the Birthday event and ORUUC kids choir rehearsal, then sit around for TWO HOURS of my meeting (Netflix on the iPad - I'm not proud), then sit around for another HOUR of rehearsal and another HOUR of concert.  She sat attentively and respectfully during the concert BY HERSELF.  Then helped me with grocery shopping without a complaint.  I would have given her anything she wanted in return for dragging her around all day.  And all she asked for was peppermint hot chocolate from Starbucks.  You got it, kiddo.  I'm adding a special shout out on my blog because I could NOT have made it through today without her cooperation.  She's amazing.

Anne Goes to School

School started this past week.  I'm taking two classes: Music Appreciation and Class Piano I.  Here's what I've learned so far:

1. Get over it.  Yes, I am the oldest student in the class.  I spent a remarkable amount of time getting dressed for class on the first day (do I wear professional clothes because I'm an adult?  jeans and a t-shirt because I'm a student?  sweats because that's what I'm used to working from home?). When I got to class, I realized that I just need to let go of my self-consciousness and instead worry about learning. You know, the thing I'm here to do.  By day two, I stopped caring and started listening.

2. Time for homework!  Oh wow, had I forgotten about this part.  When I registered for classes, I set aside time for class.  Rearranging my work day and workout schedule to make way for class time.  I totally forgot about homework time.  And I'm an incredibly slow reader, so doing 20-30 pages in a night takes forever.  Plus, there's listening homework, too.  I need to revisit my schedule to carve out homework time. And practice time for piano. 

3. I know stuff!  Hey, did you know that I know stuff?  Who knew?  On Day 1 in Music Appreciation class, I was able to identify that a song we were listening to only had strings.  So that was validating.  In our first piano class, I already knew the notes on the keyboard and basic rhythmic notation. Whew.

4. I don't know stuff!  As I read my Music Appreciation book, I find myself overwhelmed with descriptions of music - dark, rich, brilliant, piercing, warm, expressive.  These are kind of foreign words to me  at this point.  I recognize that interpretation is really left up to the listener, but I feel like I've got a lot to learn in choosing words to convey what I hear.  That is, of course, the point of the class.  So I'm in the right place.

5. I'm already learning stuff!  I've never thought about five-finger patterns before.  (Ask me what they are when you see me.)  I'm learning to play them for all the major keys. With both hands.  My left hand doesn't like to keep the beat, I find.  It's not used to using all the fingers independently.  I've also learned there are instruments in the orchestra that I've never heard of.  Including an English horn, which is neither English nor a horn.  And ways of playing instruments that have formal names I've never heard of, like pizzicato (again, ask if you want to know).  And a pick, guitarists, has another name.  I also learned that notes have set frequencies.  Something tells me I'd enjoy a science of music course.  

So far, so good, friends.  Thank you for the continued support.  :)

How I've Kept Busy

These past few weeks have been emotionally pretty challenging for me.  My sense of self-worth is built on being helpful.  So I spent the first few weeks of January trying to convince myself that I could be helpful in ways beyond directing the music program at ORUUC.  Ashton has taken over the program so seamlessly that I felt kind of "empty" with such a reduced workload.  And since school doesn't start until later this week, I didn't think I would have much to fill the void.  Thankfully, that wasn't the case.

First came a request from Anna Thomas, the Music Director at First Presbyterian, to sing "O, Divine Redeemer" for a memorial service.  I gladly agreed and the whole experience was so fulfilling.  It met my need to fill the time void with rehearsing as well as my desire to be helpful.  The service was this past weekend and I was filled with such gratitude to be able to share my voice. 

Next, my new status as "student" afforded me the opportunity to attend a presentation by President Obama, Vice President Biden, and Second Lady Dr Jill Biden at my new school, Pellissippi State Community College. I mean, what are the chances?  That I now live in Tennessee, that I decided to go back to school, that I registered at Pellissippi, that I got a ticket in the lottery, that my work schedule is flexible enough to allow me to attend... It was just a once in a lifetime opportunity.  I truly enjoyed it, despite my rants on starving that many of you have heard.

I've also spent time with my family.  We all went to see the new "Annie" movie, then my daughter and I watched the stage production in Knoxville.  We also went with some friends to see "Into the Woods."  I like to think of this extra time with the kids as making up for all the time I didn't see them in the Fall, but really I think my kids don't know what to do with me when I'm around.  I get groans when I say I'm making dinner at home instead of going out.  :)

Most recently, I've filled my time with anti-racism work.  I've co-led an effort at our church (with Heidi Brenner) to create an Allies for Racial Equity group.  We had our first meeting this weekend and I was really pleased with the turnout.  Many of us attended the local MLK Fellowship Breakfast this morning and several others participated in the Knoxville MLK Day parade.  We have a group of 6 people getting trained to deliver Beloved Conversations workshops next weekend, so that our entire congregation can benefit from this powerful workshop.  We've got a group planning to join the 50th Anniversary of the "Bloody Sunday" March in Selma.  And there are so many more ideas coming forward from this team.  I'm really proud to be a part of it.

So, there you have it... how I spent the past few weeks.  Wednesday officially begins my new chapter as "student" once again.  I'm looking forward to it - with a little hesitation in being twice the age of most of the people in the room.  But that's a story for another day.  :)

Wrapping up as Temporary Music Director

As of December 31, I wrapped up my role as Temporary Music Director for ORUUC.  But not before a few final lessons could be learned!

On Monday, Dec 22, the day before our Solstice Concert, I came down with the flu.  Like, the real flu - where I went to the clinic and got a swab up my nose to find out that I had Flu A.  Chills and fever and all that stuff they talk about on TV.  I won't lie, it SUCKED.  I spent three full days in bed, even with the Tamiflu.  I felt physically horrible and emotionally even worse.  I could not fulfill my commitment to host the Solstice Concert -- and I also wasn't able to attend Christmas Eve service.  I felt like I let my congregation down.  And I was also disappointed that I wouldn't be able to direct the choir in these two events.  It was heart-wrenching.

I was saved by several music heroes.  I'm calling them out in my blog because I'm just so darn appreciative of these people.  Michael Raymond took charge of logistics for both events.  Nancy Starr directed the choir pieces.  And Gina Grubb made sure the band was set up for success.  This team took over for me when all I could do was send emails from my phone on my sick bed.  And both events happened.  Music was made.  And although I was not a part of it, I felt like my planning contributed in some small way to making it all happen.

After I felt a bit better and was no longer contagious, I went into the ORUUC Music Office to pack my things and leave some helpful information (passwords, coming events, etc.) for our new Interim Music Director, Ashton.  It was bittersweet - feeling proud of what I've accomplished in keeping our music program moving for the past three months and really sad to let go.  This role has confirmed my calling ... and I will always be grateful for that.

This past Sunday was spent in meetings with Ashton, describing responsibilities and the status of various projects.  Then, as my final act as Music Director, I directed the choir in a Christmastide Festival.  It's a way for our local church choirs to get together and hear the pieces performed around town during the holidays.  And although 15 or 16 of our choir members had said they would be available, the flu and other illnesses are still going around... so 8 showed up.  That might freak out other Music Directors, but looking at those who were willing to sing, I knew we'd be alright.  I decided to sing along, too.  And, thankfully, I got used to directing from within a group when I led our a cappella choir in high school - so head nod cut offs come naturally.  Our small ensemble of 9 (Nancy, April, Annie, Linda, Michael, Dave, Larry, Duane, and me), accompanied by our wonderful pianist Charlotte, rocked the Christmastide Festival with tight harmonies and accurate cut offs.  It was a fitting - and beautiful - way to transition from leader to choir member. Thank you all.

And that brings me to this week.  This week, I don't have to organize or prepare or direct anything for ORUUC Music.  My music classes don't start for two more weeks.  Other than my regular Monday evening and Wednesday evening commitments, my schedule is open.  So, I'm trying to enjoy this brief downtime.  Anyone wanna do lunch?

God is a River (a.k.a. How I'll survive the next week)

"God is a River," Peter Mayer sings.  And that, friends, is how I'm able to keep myself sane during what for most folks would be extremely stressful.

This past week, a prominent member of our congregation and our local community, Tim Myrick, passed away after battling cancer.  Tim, in the midst of his fight, planned for his own memorial service.  And I, in my role as Temporary Music Director, got the great honor and privilege to carry out his wishes.  I can't tell you how deeply moved I am to be given this task in my final days serving ORUUC.  I am also really proud of our musicians, who have stepped in to learn new music to prepare for the memorial service today.

This was probably the most meaningful thing I've ever done in my life.  To honor someone of such character with music he wanted his family and friends to hear in his memory.  To bring his beloved wife closer to him in that moment.  I feel such pride and honor to have been able to serve in this way.  I am reconnected with my calling in such a deeply powerful way.

Music helps us remember.  Music heals. Music comforts an aching heart.

Which brings me back to my point.  God is a River.

A few weeks ago, I made the comment to Michael Raymond (don't shoot me, Music Directors) that I  didn't really understand why the holidays are so stressful for Music Directors.  I felt like we were well coordinated and pretty solid going into the holidays. For ORUUC, this includes a solstice service (12/21), solstice concert (12/23), and Christmas Eve (12/24).

Within a few days of making this comment, I had a group drop out of our solstice concert (dropping us down by two songs) and received word that Tim's passing was on the horizon.  Unexpected events.  Things I hadn't planned for.  Because, well... God is a River.

So, as Peter Mayer so eloquently put it:

So I’m going with the flow now, these relentless twists and bends 

Acclimating to the motion, and a sense of being led  

And this river’s like my body now, it carries me along  

Through the ever-changing scenes and by the rocks that sing this song 

Oh, the "ever-changing scenes" I've experienced this week.  Lots of rehearsals for the memorial service and upcoming holiday events, including my final Wednesday night choir rehearsal directing the choir.  I went from the memorial service this afternoon directly to back-to-back KSO Holiday Concerts.  I registered for classes in January and bought my books, one of which has already been delivered.  I lit the menorah with my family.  I've been grumpy.  I've been ecstatic.  I've been overjoyed.  I've been sad.  I've been worried.  I've been proud.  Above all, I've been confident that this calling is deeply connected to my soul.

I'm looking forward to Solstice Concert and Christmas Eve services this week.  Then, I'm looking forward to a nap.

Last Week (12/7 - 12/14)

Wow, last week was fun!  There were kids singing with drums, guitars, bass, piano, and adults!  There was opening the holiday season with a sing-a-long for Handel's Messiah!  There were moments of quiet reflection in the beauty of ensemble singing.  The whole week... just incredible.

Let me break it down for you.  This is taken directly from my (handwritten) journal entry after the performance with the kids on 12/7.

Aaaaaaaaa!  So fun!  What a joy to conduct the kids choir, band, and choir at the same time.  I don't think I'll forget that experience anytime soon.  I did take away that I need to get closer to the choir to give instructions when it's that busy and to remember to turn around and smile and show off the group when I'm done.  I forgot both of these things!  Also, it's important to know that everyone can see you.

Right after the big song, I spent time with our earth-based spirituality group, EMBERS.  It was really meaningful for me to be invited into the circle to help teach and tweak several chants for their upcoming solstice service.  And, thankfully, chants don't require any piano proficiency on my part.  :)

Then, it was off to sell pizza for our band fundraiser.  We're raising money for an electronic drum kit, so our percussion can be better balanced through our house sound system.  It was a great success - we raised several hundred dollars - but I had to chuckle as I took out trash all dressed up when we were cleaning up!

I think I managed to go home for about an hour before I had to be back at church for the Messiah Sing-a-long.  The sound of chorus and orchestra together in our space is really lovely.  I also had a solo ("Come Unto Him"), which helped ground me in remembering my own voice.  Afterwards was a reception and it was so nice to spend time munching on sweets with everyone.

Later in the week, I enjoyed singing with the Knoxville Chamber Chorale for our Christmas concert.  Thankfully, Josh took a video so you can all enjoy this moment of, "Aaaaaaaaahhh" in your holiday season.

http://youtu.be/ZTa8SmXnGoo

The week ended with sitting in an advisor's office, putting my schedule together to start music classes in January.  Yes, friends, it's back to school for me!  Stay tuned -- I am sure there are many more blog posts to come about what I learn in class.

I'll end with this thought I had while watching our "Sorta Singers" group rehearse.  They invited me to their rehearsal to give feedback before they performed in service the next day.  As I listened, I couldn't help but think, "What a life I have.  Who gets to live the life that they were hoping for so soon after they heard it calling?  I feel like I was given this beautiful gift."  All of their music centered around Hanukkah and I, for one, am enjoying the light I have been able to find in this cold, dark winter.